Very early on in my parenting career, a very valuable lesson was learned. This lesson would have been a very valuable lesson to have learned in my Teachers Training Education in the School of Education at the University of Michigan-and maybe it was and I missed it or maybe it was in a class that I didn’t take in my schedule. The lesson that Parents are the first teacher a child will ever have. When our children were 0-3 we took part in a very worthwhile program offered by our school district, The Grand Blanc Community Schools, “Parents As Teachers.“ The program was free of charge. They offered speakers, age based playgroups and open gym nights. It was an opportunity to meet other families and gain some knowledge as young parents took on the most import role of their lives. there were many very valuable lessons learned in the years we were involved in the program but one of the most important was to teach children (as they were nearing the age of preschool) than THEY are responsible for their own actions and that as a parent you can help your child with their problem but their problem are theirs. For example, if your child doesn’t follow the rules in a classroom and they experience consequences for now following the rules, you back the teacher if your child is wrong. If you chew out the teacher when your child KNEW the rules and consequences, your child is learning that they do not have to be accountable for their actions, they do not have to respect authority and your are also teaching them that YOU will take on their battles and go to bat for them even if they are wrong. Not good messages to teach.
(Now, there are times when you do have to go to bat for your child. If they are in a bad situation, or an unsafe situation, of course you will need to step in. As parents, you need to decider when you need to step in and when you need to let your child experience the consequences.)
For some parents, most parents, it is very uncomfortable to see their child experience consequences, even when they are warranted, either because you hate to see your child uncomfortable or embarrassed or they take it as a reflection of themselves as the parent. A good time to remember that your child’s problems are THEIRS. You can listen to them or use this situation as a learning experience. For example, if your child has to stay in for recess if they did not turn in their homework, maybe you use this as a chance to teach that rules need to be followed. “So, what have you learned from this experience?” Most likely the child will say, “Well, I need to turn my homework in. I would have rather been out for recess rather than doing my homework during recess. “ Or, “How did it feel to stay in when you could have been out playing with your friends?”
When you continually let your child by with unacceptable behavior, they will come to think that they don’t have to follow the rules. We all have seen unchecked behavior and lack of respect for authority or rules. Kids who continually ‘get by’ with unchecked behavior or disrespect for authority will make poor friends, teammates, roommates, girlfriend/boyfriends, spouses and employees. I once had an older teacher friend who would often say, “Parent your children while they are under your roof, so you can enjoy them as friends when they are adults,” I always kept that in mind as we were raising our children and I now know what she meant.
When kids learn that THEY are responsible for their own actions and consequences, they realize that the choices they make affect their life. Very good lessons to learn early on. Being the parent means teaching your children the tough lessons that will make them responsible adults in the future. Keep the goal in mind of raising responsible adults who will be good members of society. You have the toughest job in the world, yet the most rewarding. Trust your instincts and common sense to guide you and always be willing to reference the most important book every written The Bible, where there are many timeless lessons generations have learned from and Proverbs for timeless wisdom. All helping to lead you to…Many Great Days 🍎
