Back in May of 2005 when eighteen-year-old Natalee Holloway joined her classmates, all celebrating graduation from high school in Mountain Brook, Alabama, on a trip to Aruba, many of us tuned in to watch the drama unfold. The story was so tragic, a pretty young woman goes missing and a young man from a prominent Dutch family, Jordan van der Sloot on the island was a prime suspect. Beth Holloway, Natalee mother traveled to the island, fought for justice for her daughter and became a household name as a parent, who experienced the ultimate loss. We all got to know Dr. Michael Baden, an expert pathologist who gave us details of what might have happened, based on his years of experience. Unfortunately, Natalee Holloway’s body was never found. When the young college co-ed from the University of Pittsburgh, Sudiksha Konaki, went missing about twelve days ago, in Punta Cana, one couldn’t help buy think of Natalee Holloway.
I recalled a conversation with a parent of a high school student three years older than our daughter about taking their family and some other graduating seniors to Mexico. I inquired about the trip and the mom told me that the kids all agreed to NOT be out without parent supervision when they were out of their hotel room. They had four parents going in the group, two dads and two moms. She said that here daughter had questioned the rule and the mom said to me that all she had to say to her daughter was, “Natalee Holloway. Don’t even go there.”
What’s sad is that people forget. I’m sure many parents had conversations with their high school and college students following the Natalee Holloway story. One year goes by and another and parents and kids get lax. BIG MISTAKE! This is a necessary conversation for parents of young adult women and men. Both young men and young women can put themselves in a situation they will wish they had not been in. Consider the young man last seen with Sudiksha. His story could be an accurate description of what happened. He has stated that they went out in the water in the early morning hours, a big wave crashed in to them, he brought her in to shore and she disappeared. He still should have made sure she was safe and if she was not, he needed to call for help immediately. The sooner help had been called, the greater the chances of the young woman being found. Both Joshua Riibe and Sudiksha Konaki made poor choices on their spring break, as well as their friends. Why didn’t Sudiksha’s friends stay with her? Safety in numbers. ALWAYS. For Joshua, his friends’ likewise did him no favors. Whether there was foul play or not, he is a prime suspect and he finds himself in a foreign country subject to their laws, with no eyewitnesses for his alibi and they are holding his passport. It does not seem as if these college students were briefed about the dangers on spring break. I clearly recall only one of our kids going on a spring break for a few days before meeting up with us. I was on pins and needles for those four days and there were numerous conversations about safety, making good choices and staying away from bad situations. When we met up with our college student there was a ‘de-briefing’ and what I remember from that conversation was that Panama City was described to us as “Controlled Chaos and One and Done” when it comes to spring break.
Talk to your young adult kids about putting themselves in awkward or uncomfortable situations. Young women can be preyed on and young men can be wrongly accused. If you are in a group, you are more likely safe (people tend to behave better in a group and there are witnesses. Underage drinking can also contribute to or make a bad situation worse. As parents, maybe you take your take a family vacation that trumps spring break, maybe you just say “no” or maybe you don’t fund it. You are the parent and sometimes as parents you need to step in to protect your child. Spring break isn’t a right. Remember, your goal as parent is to safety prepare your child for a productive adult life. It’s not to provide them with a life that is so “cushy” that they will have a hard time providing that for themselves, unless you want to fund them to falsely prop them up. To partner with your child on worthwhile necessities or reward them for making responsible choices is good parenting. To over indulge an adult child, may be something you regret down the road when they keep expecting you to fund their expensive lifestyle. Consider what you are funding and if you are doing your child a favor or if you are preventing them from being a responsible productive member of society. As parents, have confidence in the effort you have made to prepare your child for the real world. You have done a better job than you may think…All leading, most likely to…a long, safe & healthy life and…many Great Days 🍎
