T echnology has added a whole new dimension to dating. In some respects, it’s good and in some respects, it’s not. On one hand, if you meet someone who is very transparent and gives accurate information about themself, one is able to zero in on the qualities that are at the top of desirable traits and interests, wasting less time and it can narrow the field. Also, it can give someone access to people they might not run across in their usual circle of local social and work settings. On the other hand, if someone is NOT transparent and takes liberties with the information they put out on the app, someone can get hurt or easily misled. Most of us have head sad stories of people we know who have been mistreated in this manner. On the other hand, we all have heard very nice stories of good people meeting up with someone who ends up being their ‘one and only.” I guess the moral of the story is “Caveat Emptor,” Latin for “let the buyer beware.”
Ok, apart from the dating apps, there are social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, where one can easily find someone from high school, college or their past and strike up a private conversation or meeting and then there are all the other ways that people my age used to meet people, in school, at work, at social events or out at a restaurant, club or bar. What got me thinking about this all was an article I came across from Psychology today titled, “The Rise of Lonely Single Men,” from back on August 9, 2022. The article mentioned that for many reasons, some men are having difficulty meeting the right person. The apps, on average, have more men on them, women are now, it’s surmised, more selective and have higher expectations, possibly because they now more equally earn what men do. The article didn’t really surprise me, however, my observation is that women too are having a hard time meeting the right person. Of course, these are my observations only based on those I come into contact with, either the parents of young adults I know, hoping to meet the right person or from some of the “twenty/thirty somethings” I know personally. There are good quality guys and gals out there who are having difficulty meeting someone with similar values and interests who have nothing wrong with them. If you know some of these people, introduce them! It’s easy to understand why some people don’t want to get involved, however, put yourself in their place. Wouldn’t you have hoped that someone would do that for you? We have set up a few friends, and the results have been quite good…Your friends will most likely have similar values and interests and they may likewise, know people with similar values and interests. My attitude is, “I’m making the introduction, it’s up to you two from there, if it works great and if it doesn’t that’s ok too, there are no uncomfortable feelings either way, “ you set the ground rules from the start and see where things go.
Another thought is that many people, understandably so, focus so much on the career and “getting there,” with good intentions and good planning, and get so caught up in that noble and very worthwhile venture, that sometimes, they miss the window to meet someone special. As you get older, there are less opportunities and time moves on, making it more difficult to meet people.
A final thought is, some people are not prepared for marriage. We all can be self centered and self serving at times, that is human nature. Most married people can look back to early days of their marriage and the adjustment of living with someone else 24/7. I’m sure my husband could tell some very interesting stories. Aside from pre-marriage counseling that may be offered at a Church or Synagogue, is there anywhere someone could take a class? Unless one has a good examples growing up from parents, extended family/friends and teachers/mentors, it’s hard to figure it all out, and if someone grew up with poor examples, well, that could make things difficult as well.
Being one of the first of my friends/family to get married, I wasn’t on the dating scene long after college. I have seen friends who I thought might have been too picky end up with a guy who checked all the boxes and they still are very happily married and I have seen friends who have broadened their scope of who was right for them to end up with someone who was quite different from their self and all these years later, they each brought out the best in one another, so to dole out advice is hard to do because I have seen the gamut. What I will say is be open to meeting someone for coffee or dinner and just be yourself. Life can have so many distractions, turn off your phone, look the person you sit across the table with in the eyes and just be YOU. Be a good listener, as you are interviewing someone to be your best friend and partner in life. Look for the qualities that matter the most to you and be honest with yourself, not just about them, but about you. None of us are perfect or better than anyone else…Who know’s it may just be the start of a Great Day or the beginning of a Great Life Together…You never know ❤️
