A few week’s ago, I was looking back on an old photo album my Mom had of my Dad. the pages were black and had those corner tabs. Most, but not all, of the photos were black and white. It was very noticeable that my Dad LOVED wearing sunglasses. I know that sunglasses were a premium in the “old country,” Macedonian and Yugoslavia, where my Dad came from. They style he seemed to like were either the Wayfarer or Clubmaster. Most likely they were knockoffs as my Dad at that time would not have had the extras cash for such luxuries unless they had been a gift. Even the photos from his early days in the States, (Flint Michigan) he fancied the same styles. This prompted me to look over the photos on my Ipad of our kids and as I looked at the photos, they had the same taste in glasses. As my Dad aged, he wore tinted prescription glasses and as he aged, he graduated to a gold aviator style, which happens to be my preferred style when not wearing the other two…
I most definitely see a resemblance between our oldest son, Alex (left) and my Dad (center). Alex’s daughter, has a ‘never give up’ at attitude, very similar to Grandpa Jimmy. He would have loved to meet her!
There are many ways to keep our loved ones alive when they leave us. We remember them in our prayers, we keep their photos in frames nearby and maybe we hold on to cherished mementos. Sometimes as adults, we keep these thoughts to ourselves, cherishing those memories and mementos. Share your thoughts and memories with your children. They miss your loved ones too. Children may keep these thoughts to themselves, they may worry or be sad over the loss of someone special in their lives. Your children may not words to tell you this or, they may not feel comfortable. If they hear you bring up your thoughts and feelings, it could be an opportunity for them to feel welcome talking about something weighing on their hearts. If it isn’t, you are showing them that loss and sadness is an emotion that we all feel and that talking about it can bring up not just sadness, but good memories, happy memories and maybe even some laughs. End the conversation on a light note, so that they don’t walk away with a heavy heart. You could say a little prayer as you end the conversation and let your kids know that you are always available to talk about anything, even if it’s something sad, and ask them if they feel a little better after remembering the loved one they are missing. Keep the dialogue very age appropriate and if you are unable to answer any of their questions, let them know that you will ask someone who can and you will get back with them.
My Dad with my brother, John and I at Niagara Falls-I can still remember my Mom snapping this one. Alex’s son, looks like my brother in this photo. Grandpa Jimmy told the boys to remain close. He and my Uncle David were in business for decades, they were the only two survivors from their family for most of their adult life. Grandpa Jimmy would have called little Eva, Little Evanka, the Macedonian name for Eva.
Life includes happy and sad times, by talking about the sadness they may have for the loss of a loved one, will let them know that this is part of life, you cannot protect them from every little bump in the road. It’s best for them to get their information from you. Give them the time and space to ask all of their questions and make sure you understand what exactly their questions. Keep your answers simple for younger children. Don’t over whelm them.
Grandpa Jimmy wearing his tinted aviators on Lake Fenton with Sasha, Alex & Zach on a Fourth of July, he loved the holiday and summers on the lake. Stella and her Mom, Sasha at the cemetery on a Memorial Day to honor Grandpa Jimmy. Grandpa Jimmy would have loved Stella’s name and he would have loved telling her the story of how her Mother got him to quit smoking when she was just three years old, “Jimmy Todorovsky, I caught you smoking!” My Dad told this story over and over. He never picked up another cigarette. He was embarrassed but glad that Sasha had put him on the spot. We probably had my Dad a few years more than we should have because of it.
When you think of your loved one no longer with you during an outing or here and there, share that with them. After I went through the photos and made my observations, it prompted me to make a collage. I shared it with our three kids. There was even a photo of three year old Stella wearing Grandpa Jimmy’s Wayfarer style, albeit in a other than the traditional black. Maybe it’s genetic. The kids all texted back with memories of Grandpa Jimmy and here I am sharing the memories with you. I am smiling now as I type this post. My Dad would love that. You see he told us as we were talking about how good looking he was as a young man, that his friends called him “Jimmy Vo Hollywood” (Macedonian for Jimmy from Hollywood). Now whether that was how he saw it or they did, I’m not so sure, but I sure do see Grandpa Jimmy in all three of our kids, and a little of his ‘never give up spirit’ in all of our grandchildren. See, it’s that easy…It’s a Great Day 🍎
