“Another ‘Rossi’ Family Function?!”

When I lived was in school at the University of Michigan, I had five close friends. One of them was a gal from the Detroit area who had a very large Italian family. She had numerous girl cousins on both sides. She had grown up with these cousins, all in the same suburb, spending many summer days at one of the cousins’ homes that had a pool. These girls went to Catholic School together, Sunday school together and most Sundays after Church, they went to one of her Grandmothers’ for dinner. As we graduated from U of M and all started our adult lives, we would often still hear about “Rossi Family functions”. At this point, maybe not as frequent but there were now weddings of the cousins, baptisms of their children, holidays and monumental birthdays and anniversaries. I recall one of my friends saying when we were talking when the five of us got together after college, “Another ‘Rossi’* family function?!” A little joking, but in another way, admiring the closeness of the family all these years even as adults…

I was teaching Pilates yesterday and as we go through class, there is discussion sometimes about our families/the weekend, since there are many regulars in our classes. One of the women said that she had her family over for dinner on Sunday and that they get together every Sunday. The kids bring dishes, she makes the main dish and they look forward to the gathering every week. She has her grandchildren help with setting the table and clearing the dishes. Everyone looks forward to the lively discussions around the table. When I started teaching Ballet at the Club, twenty-one years ago there was a retired lady, Dolores, who had three adult sons living nearby and she told me that she told her sons and daughter-in-laws that there would be dinner at her home every Sunday. There was no obligation to come, they needed to bring nothing and they could come for dinner and leave or stay as long as they wished. They all ended up coming every week, unless they were out of town. Dolores and her husband Fred, looked forward to the grocery shopping on Saturday and making dinner for their family. Their grandchildren were involved in tennis and being retired, she and her husband had time to help out with driving their grandchildren before they started driving to activities and going to their tennis matches and tournaments. ..

Strong family relationships don’t just happen. The adults have to take the lead. It is an effort. Cousins will be close and grandchildren will be close when they spend time together. You can give the excuse that “we’re too busy”. Really? Are you? Friends will come and go, you may have a few close friends for a life time, but family is family for always.

It can be difficult to make the effort and if not everyone is making the same effort, you could get discouraged. Understandable. Do it anyway. When there are differences, address the problem head on, apologize and move on. The recording you want your kids to hear over and over is that family gets along and family looks out for one another. Grandparents are to be respected. Grandparents are a wealth of knowledge about so much. Within a family, a child learns respect for other, respect for elders, how to celebrate holidays how to roll with good and tough times. Families go through so much with company to go through the tough times, it can make them a little more manageable. Think about the tough times in your life and how family was there to help you. Share with your kids how your family has stuck together in tough times and how you all have celebrated the good times. Allow your children’s grandparents to have a relationship with your children. Who else will love your children like you? It’s a totally different type of love than the love you have for them. For a child to have aunts, uncles and grandparents who care about them is a good thing. Can anyone every have too many people loving them? I think not. A loving family may not lead to a perfect life, but it could lead to some pretty great days.